Cynicism

I look back over the past two years and how angry and frustrated I've been throughout them. I've written tens of thousands of words attacking the Christian church, Christians as a whole, and religion. I've removed myself from the church scene to a severe degree, and it has recently come to removing myself quite heavily from any form of Christian scene at all. I have become so cynical of Christians that I feel as if I don't even need to waste my time on the majority of them. Probably more than half of my writing over this time period has been along the lines of "well if it's going to be this bad, then what else am I supposed to do?" I get to college and the extent of that cyncism starts evolving into actions. The peak of my aggravation towards Christianity in high school was leaving the church that my family went to, only to find another church across town to attend. In college it's grown to not going to church, or any Christian organizations. That is why I sit here on a Sunday afternoon having just woken up, having not gone to church and writing on my laptop. It's grown into not having Christian friends (due to me not seeking them out and not giving the ones I come across much time at all), and instead plenty of friends that are not exactly moving me in the direction that I had planned on going down.

Being objective is a good thing. Being aware is also a good thing. But cynicism at its root is destructive. Cynicism destroys hope in things. My cynicism of hte church has destroyed in large part any hope in Christians. Although I like some of their books, I cannot stand some of these authors anymore that I once admired; these Christian authors that have assumed the role of getting away from the "problem of modern Christianity". It's as if they believe because they can attack one system, that it somehow makes them the ones in the right. But in reality, they haven't told me anything I didn't already know or couldn't easily have figured out myself.

Flicking the bird to the church is the easiest possible thing to do. Hating Christians is pretty easy too. Turning your back on Christian morality takes no effort at all. I come to a gorge and realize that I have been the one digging it the entire time. I have been the one destroying hope in religion, and yet this whole time I have had the desire to become a youth pastor. If I am to get to my destination, then I have got to makea change. Honestly, I've complained enough about religion for long enough that I feel as if I can take a break for a while. I need to start being constructive of something that I'm doing, and not destructive of anything else. The first part is to actually start aiming myself in the right direction.