Compromise

“Observe constantly that all things take place by change, and accustom thyself to consider that the nature of the universe loves nothing so much as to change things which are and to make new things like them. For everything that exists is in a manner the seed of that which will be.” – Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations

For everything that exists is in a manner the seed of that what which will be. We like the idea of progress, but not change. We like the idea of glory, but not sacrifice. We see disaster, failure, and wrong clearly, but are unwilling to be agents of glory, success, and true. We have compromised for good, when we could be the cause of greatness. We are the agents of change in every aspect of life, yet we make compromises because it’s “good enough”. When given the power to bring about great change, why do we not take it? Why do we suppress our dreams? Is failure in trying something new, something great, not worth the risk?

When did we start accepting good as sufficient? Why not allow for dreams to breathe life into action? Why not allow our actions to quicken the change that is already inevitable? When the dreams of an individual are not allowed to germinate, does the whole group not lose?

Bible

Next year I lead a small group that is part of a Christian group on campus. This week I’ve forced myself to sit down and start thinking about the technicalities of how it will run to little avail. As I was writing out a prayer today I described it as if the glasses to my mind’s eye had been taken off and everything is now unclear. I sense the importance of what this group could be and yet the thoughts come through smokes and mirrors, preventing me to lay a finger on any concrete ideas. And as much as I try to reject it as truth, I come back to lack of Biblical reading. As much as I praise Biblical devotion, my actions speak otherwise. “Actions express priorities. (Gandhi)” I’ve been praying for struggle and challenge a lot recently, while denying the one source for struggle at a moment’s notice. I used to hate certain people for asking the question “well how are your devotions going?” whenever I was having a tough time, but I am slowly beginning to see why. At present I lack a daily devotional and ironically enough a loss of words on vision. I guess we’ll see soon enough how connected the two are.

Obedience

As I get back from a retreat for InterVarsity, I am overwhelmingly humbled by God. I ended the school year finished questioning forgiveness and my own personal sorrow for doing wrong. I saw that I really wasn’t sorry for doing wrong, and that I was only trying to make myself feel better by going through the motions of asking forgiveness. During this retreat we discussed repentance, and what exactly it requires of us, and how little of it we do. Repentance is turning from sin, stepping the other way and “Produce fruit in keeping with repentance” (Matthew 3:8). We have cheapened it down to no longer caring about producing fruit, not taking a step towards something new, and even to where we don’t turn from sin entirely. We go half way by asking for forgiveness without ever feeling sorrow.

Are we really sorry for our sin? Are we really sorry for disobeying the law, whether it is God’s or man’s? Obedience does not show righteousness, but instead demonstrates our love for God. When we don’t do entirely what God asks of us, it is as if we have doing none of it. “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it” (James 2:10). The person who only sins once thinks he/she is fine because “it’s only one time.” How do we act in the little things? How do we act when no one is looking? Do we say “it’s only this once”, “it’s only a little”, or “it doesn’t really matter”? Do we swear, if only once? Do we look at something we shouldn’t, even if it’s only once? Do we drink underage, even if no one will catch us? Do we break the speed limit, even if it doesn’t get anyone hurt?

Do we really care about obedience, or are we trying to be our own masters while claiming to be obedient to God?

End-of-Year Thoughts

I sit in the living room, having just finished my first year of college, and I’m thinking about writing a blog (not realizing that I’m already writing it). I think about all the writing that I’ve done, and how some of it is just so elementary. I look at the small group next year that I’ll be co-leading and I see how much I want to put into it and how much effort it will take. I am overwhelmed by those that can do it efficiently, purposefully. It’s why I am so amazed by Paul Potts singing Nessun Dorma (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k08yxu57NA&feature=related). The song has so much passion in it, and it is done so well that it floors me. I want to write, speak, live in a way that people can see that I care about things and have passion for them. I want to do things of worth and do them effectively so that the effort I put into them shows. It’s why I like “The World is Our _____” by This Will Destroy You, or “Everything in Its Right Place” by Radiohead. It’s why I like movies like The Fountain, or the opening monologue of Michael Clayton. There’s so much in them that cuts straight through all the unimportant bullshit of life that we spotlight too often. I am overwhelmed by how much there is to life and how much we pass up, how much we focus on that is meaningless. I am reminded of a speech I gave three years ago to a group in high school. I remember reading from Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz talking about following people that are passionate about something, for the sole reason that they are passionate. There is a difference between being passionate about something and being able to spill that enthusiasm over into others. As I continue to rant, I come to the question: are we really living with a purpose? And how much effort are we really putting into achieving that goal? Life isn’t just something you just survive. It kills me when people say “well if it was meant to be” or “if God wants it it’ll happen”. I understand that God is all-powerful, but take some initiative. The “lightning-bolt by God to force things to happen”-philosophy is outdated. These moments in which I am overwhelmed, in which I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, when I get choked up or tear up, it is these sensitive and emotional moments when I see the scope of everything, I feel led to do something. That is my prayer for myself and everyone else. That, if only for a moment, their little glass shell they’re in shatters just enough to wake them up. It’s like in Wall-E when the person finally opens their eyes to where they live. We need to wake up. As Christians we need to wake up to our surroundings, to our purpose and take an active role in them.