End-of-Year Thoughts

I sit in the living room, having just finished my first year of college, and I’m thinking about writing a blog (not realizing that I’m already writing it). I think about all the writing that I’ve done, and how some of it is just so elementary. I look at the small group next year that I’ll be co-leading and I see how much I want to put into it and how much effort it will take. I am overwhelmed by those that can do it efficiently, purposefully. It’s why I am so amazed by Paul Potts singing Nessun Dorma (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k08yxu57NA&feature=related). The song has so much passion in it, and it is done so well that it floors me. I want to write, speak, live in a way that people can see that I care about things and have passion for them. I want to do things of worth and do them effectively so that the effort I put into them shows. It’s why I like “The World is Our _____” by This Will Destroy You, or “Everything in Its Right Place” by Radiohead. It’s why I like movies like The Fountain, or the opening monologue of Michael Clayton. There’s so much in them that cuts straight through all the unimportant bullshit of life that we spotlight too often. I am overwhelmed by how much there is to life and how much we pass up, how much we focus on that is meaningless. I am reminded of a speech I gave three years ago to a group in high school. I remember reading from Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz talking about following people that are passionate about something, for the sole reason that they are passionate. There is a difference between being passionate about something and being able to spill that enthusiasm over into others. As I continue to rant, I come to the question: are we really living with a purpose? And how much effort are we really putting into achieving that goal? Life isn’t just something you just survive. It kills me when people say “well if it was meant to be” or “if God wants it it’ll happen”. I understand that God is all-powerful, but take some initiative. The “lightning-bolt by God to force things to happen”-philosophy is outdated. These moments in which I am overwhelmed, in which I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, when I get choked up or tear up, it is these sensitive and emotional moments when I see the scope of everything, I feel led to do something. That is my prayer for myself and everyone else. That, if only for a moment, their little glass shell they’re in shatters just enough to wake them up. It’s like in Wall-E when the person finally opens their eyes to where they live. We need to wake up. As Christians we need to wake up to our surroundings, to our purpose and take an active role in them.